


So Pretty and Witty and...

by Ceares



Category: Smallville
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, M/M, Woke Up Gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1671698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceares/pseuds/Ceares





	So Pretty and Witty and...

Clark was in the Talon that Saturday morning, studiously ignoring Lex who sat two tables away, when everything changed. There was nothing in the air to say this day was different from any other. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and the krypto-mutants were quiet.

Then the door opened and _she_ walked in. Of all the coffee shops in all the towns in all the world, Clark didn’t know why…okay well, he really did know why Lana had to come to the Talon, but still it hurt to see her since they were broken up- _again_. Sure, he’d come there, knowing she’d probably be meeting Lex that morning-they met every Saturday for coffee-and he could cut his stalking time in half by scoping out both of his obsessions at once, but the ache inside was still like being hit with a kryptonite fist.

Well, now that Clark thought about it, actually it was more like being hit with a kryptonite wad of paper-not as painful as a fist, but still a bit of a sting. The point was, there was Lex, there was him, and there was Lana. He did a double take-there was Lana all right, but Lana as they’d only seen her a few times, and each of those times spelled trouble in all caps.

Lana wore all red-warning signal number one. She had on a short skirt; spike heeled boots, and a thin clingy blouse that was cut high to show smooth stomach-warning signal number two. Heavy mascara lined eyes and almost bouffant curls completed the look-warning signal number three.

Clark exchanged a horror filled gaze with Lex and they both turned back to their sometimes girlfriend. At this point they could expect her to start falling off windmills or stealing cars. Torturing them, or drinking blood were also possibilities.

Instead she walked right past both of them with a cheerful grin and a quick wave. That might have been the scariest thing of all, since Clark knew for a fact that both he and Lex, had tear infested scenes with Lana just yesterday.

His confusion only increased as she walked behind the counter where Lois was working. Lana said something and then Lois yelped and dropped the tray of coffee she’d been holding. The resulting crash drew everyone’s attention. Lois grinned sheepishly as she started to clean up, but Clark noticed she kept a wary eye on Lana the whole time.

“Here, let me help you.”

“No!” That was loud enough for everyone to hear, not just someone with super hearing. Once more eyes turned toward the counter, and Lois waved them away and lowered her voice. “That’s okay, Lana. You should probably move away from all the broken glass, over there somewhere with Clark, or Lex or Clark and Lex.”

Clark was sure he’d imagined the purr in Lana’s voice and the panic in Lois’. Lana gave a small moue of disappointment, then she shrugged and moved to the front of the counter, leaning back against it in a stance that one-reminded him of sex, and two-reminded him of Lex. Clark looked over at his former friend, only to find his eyes glued to Lana.

Lex turned suddenly and quirked a brow at Clark. He picked up his coffee and came over, sitting down. “Clark?”

“I don’t know what’s going on. I swear!”

Lex watched him for a moment then nodded. “Okay. I mean if you did, I’d be hearing some bizarre story involving bad Chinese food, marker fumes and junk mail right now.” Clark opened his mouth to deny it, and then closed it, wondering why he’d never thought of marker fumes. Those suckers were strong. He supposed that was why Lex would always be a better liar than he was.

The door opened and Chloe walked in. Lana lit up like a malfunctioning nuclear power plan. Chloe only got a in quick ‘hi’ and a quizzical expression at his table-mate before Lana was wrapped around her-hugging and kissing her like they hadn’t seen each other in years. Clark’s eyes widened in shock when he noticed Lana’s hands slip from Chloe’s back down to her bottom and give a quick squeeze. Chloe yelped much like Lois had, but quieter, and didn’t make much protest as Lana dragged her off into the office.

Lex’s expression had turned from quizzical to knowing, and he leaned back in his chair, a smirk on his face as he stared at the office door. Clark hated that Lex seemed to have figured out what was going on while he was still in the dark. He could ask, but instead he tuned into Lana and Chloe. And oh, he shouldn’t have. He should not have done that. He flushed, then he blushed, then he went hard. He squirmed uncomfortably and stared down at the table, but no matter how much he concentrated, he couldn’t tune out the small gasps and pants of pleasure once he’d tuned them in.

The whole while, Lex watched him in amusement. “Problem, Clark?”

“No! I can’t hear anything! I mean um…” He trailed off.

Lex reached over and gave him an almost avuncular pat on the hand. “Don’t worry about it. I think I know what happened to Lana.”

“What?”

Lex shrugged. “She woke up gay.”

“What! You can’t…that doesn’t make any sense. How do you even do that?” Clark noticed that Lex was still patting his hand. Well actually it was more of a stroking now, and it was definitely not avuncular. He didn’t know when Lex had turned his hand over, but long slim fingers were drawing patterns on the inside of his palm. Clark couldn’t help the shiver that went through his body and to his surprise, straight to his groin. He inhaled sharply, and Lex smiled that sharky grin that meant Clark was about to be in deep trouble.

“Why don’t you come back to the Castle, and I’ll show you.”  



End file.
